The achievements of youth may be negotiable at times, and the actions of youth may be debatable at times. For the spirit of independence and the freedom of thought, even after a hundred years, they will still flow like the Tuo River, forever shining.
Actually, I suddenly realized that I haven't written anything special to commemorate my year.
Today, February 10th, there are five days left until I leave my job, eleven days until I leave Chengdu, and seventeen days until I start my new job. Sitting in my room, looking at the clouds and mist outside the window, slowly, with something, I want to commemorate my past year.
Clouds Rising#
Hey man, think about this world and go fuck it
In 2016, at the beginning of the year, I encountered a setback that could be considered influential for the future. Looking back at the four years of my university life, I might be more of a loser, failing in competitions and having a quarter of my major courses failed, resulting in a delayed graduation. However, as someone with a proud heart, I don't like being looked down upon by others who are also losers. It doesn't feel good.
Under the guidance of my mentor, I slowly fell into the world of Python, preparing to find a job that could sustain me before graduation. As a newborn calf is not afraid of tigers, when I was still ignorant about everything, the result of my first job interview hit me hard. But until now, I am still grateful for the things that the interviewer imparted to me. Perhaps these things made me understand the attitude and responsibility that a true programmer should have.
Fortunately, I passed the second job interview and started working. Well, this can be considered a good start.
Dark Clouds#
When passion and novelty fade away, all that remains in life is perseverance.
After starting my job, the freshness period ended, and I returned to the routine of working from 9 to 2, just like before. When I thought I would continue living like this, I met Xiaotian, Monkey, and a group of Android experts (how did I, a Python developer, end up working closely with Android developers every day?), and then I joined Juejin, translating some interesting technical articles as someone who failed the CET-4 exam. I gathered with a group of friends under the name of the "Master's Harem".
If I were to describe this period of time, it would be like the thick clouds outside the window. It may seem calm on the surface, but it is actually thrilling. Unable to see the direction of the sunlight, I can only continue to move forward with the tide. I don't know what my future will be like, and I feel dissatisfied, but I can only persist step by step. However, I always tell myself to keep going. I have cried countless times, but I have never given up.
I really want to thank the people around me, the cool sister at work, Taoge, the friends at Lundao, and the 12 members of the Tongtong Harem (Tongtong, Yanhui, Yangge, Manyu, Dashu, Gailen, Bobo, Tiantian, Lao Ye, Lao Ke, Wuyuetian, Xueli). When I couldn't see the sunlight and the future in the clouds, these people, with their love and excellence, at least prevented me from losing myself in the flow.
By the way, as I expected, my degree certificate was delayed.
And then the news of someone's death, it really is the best news.
Clouds of Doubt#
Why are we born? Why do we fight? Why do we move forward?
After spending a long time with talented people, you can't help but want to become as excellent as them. But the deep-rooted sense of inferiority tells me that these things are too far away from me. The feelings of unease, dissatisfaction, inferiority, and arrogance intertwine, creating a taste that is difficult to describe.
During this period of time, I experienced the meaning of the phrase "mixed feelings". The sadness is mainly regret. During that time, I was sentimental, as my friend put it, I became a jerk (but when am I not?). The joy comes from struggling in this intersection, truly figuring out what I want to do and what I should do.
By the way, I finally received my degree certificate.
Clouds Parting#
The bird flying in the darkness will eventually be saved by its master and bathe freely in the sunlight.
After receiving my degree certificate, my desire to go out and see the bigger world became even more wild. Writing resumes, submitting applications, seeking referrals. Each interview was a test of both physical and mental strength.
But the biggest gain from the interviews was the affirmation of myself. The content and results of the interviews told me that I seemed to have become a decent newcomer. The heart that had long been covered by inferiority experienced the warmth of the sunlight during this period. Maybe in the future, I won't sink into inferiority anymore?
Well, in the end, I am very grateful to the interviewers who were willing to give me a chance. This special gift can be considered the best New Year's present that fate has given me.
Finally#
There are still ten days left until I leave Chengdu. There are still many things I want to say, many things I don't know how to express. I still have no idea about the future, but I will rarely be lost in confusion.
Stop thinking about the past and focus on the present. Enjoy poetry and wine while we are young.
Well, enjoy poetry and wine while we are young!