Title: Do Good Deeds, Don't Ask About the Future
Type: Tags
Date: 2021-02-11 13:00:00
Tags: [Random Thoughts, Reflections]
Categories: [Random Thoughts, Reflections, Showing Affection]
Table of Contents: true
This article was actually supposed to be finished at the end of 2020. However, I am a procrastinator, and when I write this article, I think of some people who have already left, so I have been unwilling to start writing and have dragged it until now. However, at the end of the lunar new year, I still have to write it and give myself a summary of the past year.
Introduction#
How should I put it, 2020 was actually a shitty year. Countless times, I cursed in my heart, "2020, damn you" (Yamamoto Taisuke approves).
But 2020 was actually a pretty good year, it made me realize that I will benefit from the things I learned from this year countless times in the future.
So, let's call this Schrödinger's 2020? (Well, this is just Manjusaka's 2020)
Work#
It's New Year's Eve, let's start with something sad. My friends who are familiar with me know that my career in 2020 can be described as a "career loser" from the perspective of job level.
Yep, that's right, I got demoted, and my promotion got rejected. Can you believe how pissed off I am?
If you say that I didn't explode in anger, it's impossible. When I found out about the demotion during the transition in 2019, my mindset was exploding. At that time, my boss said something that left a deep impression on me, "Why are you so anxious? I remember you weren't like this when you first came in."
After accepting the demotion in my heart, I started to work hard to get promoted again, but then the promotion got rejected. WTF???
But looking back, actually, this experience, maybe during the time when it just happened and even for a period of time afterwards, made me anxious and restless. But from my current perspective, I can also reflect on many things.
Actually, after going through this special experience, my mindset has become relatively calm. In a sense, I am more able to stay calm than when I first joined Alibaba Cloud. As I mentioned to my boss before, I now hope to do things that I approve of, rather than doing things purely for the promotion six months later. Often, when you plan everything perfectly, you end up failing. Not worth it.
Well, at the beginning of the transition, my boss said something to me that I found very useful:
The things you are experiencing now may be unacceptable to you at the moment, but if you look at it from the perspective of your whole life, which spans several decades, it may not be a big deal.
Putting aside job levels, to be honest, during my time at Alibaba Cloud for over a year, although I also experienced customer support and continuous overtime, which were very painful experiences. But for me, I can say that I quite enjoyed this period of time and the work I did.
In the cloud department, my main job was to develop a gateway product on the public cloud from scratch with my colleagues. After the organizational restructuring last year, I started working on monitoring services.
In this process, my role changed from being a pure internal infra RD during my time at Ele.me to being a cloud product developer. I think this role change allows me to look at infra from a different perspective. If during the internal period, the things you do can be forcefully pushed to the ground through non-technical means. Then when developing cloud products, if your product cannot provide sufficient cost and features, customers will not pay for your product (of course, if your dad is the customer's boss, ignore what I just said).
This change in perspective allows me to think more from the customer's point of view and consider the significance of what we are doing in a systematic way. Through customer support experiences, I can get closer to the real usage scenarios and business of the customers. I think this experience is very important for me.
Another aspect is that during my time in the cloud, I had enough scenarios and motivation to explore relatively niche and in-depth technologies such as kernel, eBPF, SystemTap, and so on. I think that's pretty good too.
But when it comes to work, there is one fact that I cannot avoid (and the reason why I have been reluctant to write this article) is that in 2020, I lost my earliest mentor when I first entered the workplace, and also my best friend. If my mentor gave me the most important gift when I first entered the workplace, which was "learning anything requires a systematic approach," then the gift he gave me was the correct professional attitude, the correct way of asking questions, and many other small but significant things that have benefited me for a lifetime. So, RIP && 2020 damn you *2.
Relationships#
My relationship with Jingche has entered its third year and is still very sweet. Jingche has always taken care of me, for example, the clothes I'm wearing right now were all bought by Jingche, and this article was written on the HHKB Hybrid that Jingche bought for me!
And we took beautiful couple photos together for the first time! To be honest, after receiving the finished couple photos, my favorite thing to do is to change my WeChat profile picture Hhhh (escaping).
But to be honest, many times I feel that I am not yet a qualified boyfriend. I often neglect small things and details (= = I'm desperate too), which unintentionally make her very unhappy. In her words, I am the "King of Disappointment," and my previous health problems in 2019 also caused Jingche a lot of worry.
So, sometimes I also think that it's magical that Jingche didn't kick me out. But I have set many goals for myself and will gradually change many of my bad habits! But here, I suddenly want to quote a sentence that I often say in a letter to Jingche every year:
My dear, I appreciate and enjoy your love.
Oh, by the way, at the beginning of the year, Jingche and I made a list of things we want to do together this year, hoping to continue walking together well (confessing to Jingche again!).
Technology#
Well, actually at the beginning of last year, for various reasons, I didn't set any specific goals for myself, so let's talk about some things I have done in the past year.
In terms of reading books, a few books that left a deep impression on me are:
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Designing Data-Intensive Applications
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Kubernetes in Action
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BPF Performance Tools
And because of various reasons, I reviewed/read several papers, such as the impressive Cloud Programming Simplified: A Berkeley View on Serverless Computing, and Maglev: A Fast and Reliable Software Network Load Balancer.
In terms of the community, I participated in the organization of PyCon China 2021 as usual, and gave two presentations at meetups. I received the MVP award from Microsoft, fulfilling my long-time wish of becoming a software fan.
Overall, my output may not have been as much as before, and I have been a bit lazy, and I will explain the specific reasons later. But it can still be considered a satisfactory result. I hope to continue making progress in technology in 2021.
Life#
Well, actually there have been quite a few changes in my life over the past year. First of all, seriously speaking, I no longer wear camouflage! (Actually, Jingche couldn't stand it anymore and took care of my entire wardrobe!)
At the beginning of the year, a new member joined our family, a "simple," "honest," and "steady" red tabby Maine Coon cat named Nian Nian. With this addition, we now have four cats in our family! Nian Nian has brought a lot of joy to our lives (except when she steps on my stomach).
And in the past year, a major change in my life is that I realized for the first time that, besides technology and sleep, life is also important. I started playing games occasionally with my dear Jingche (playing Animal Crossing together, breaking up in Overcooked), watching dramas together, and shopping on Taobao together. To be honest, I feel very happy, it's an experience I have never had before. Hhhhhh
On the other hand, in 2020, I did something that was probably important to me. After being diagnosed with depression in 2017, which was analyzed to be caused by PTSD from childhood sexual abuse, I chose to continuously share my experiences in written form. Last year, I participated in a research project at East China Normal University, where I faced the details of the sexual abuse I experienced, my mental state, and reflected on it.
This event is actually very important to me. I hope that through my efforts and the efforts of others, research related to the psychological intervention of sexually abused children in China can further develop. Here, I would like to thank my dear Jingche for her support. When I was extremely depressed due to my childhood experiences, Jingche was always there to hug and comfort me. Jingche also supports and encourages me to share my experiences. At the same time, we have decided to donate the income I received from participating in the research to a public welfare foundation.
Do Good Deeds, Don't Ask About the Future#
Well, that's about it, a summary of sorts. To be honest, 2020 was a very special year for me. There were tears, strength, thoughts of giving up, but I kept going.
In this year, or I should say the past four years, there are many people I want to thank: my dear Jingche, my mentor, a few close friends, my partner in the podcast "Snake Catcher Says," my past leaders, and friends I met on Twitter. Thank you for accompanying me along the way and showing me a bigger world. And actually, I want to thank myself for the first time here, thank myself for persisting until today despite countless thoughts of giving up.
A few days ago, I looked at my bank statement from China Merchants Bank, which showed that my income was higher than in 2019. At that moment, I felt a mix of emotions and said to my dear, "Our life will only get better."
Well, everything is gonna be OK.
If four years ago, in the summary of 2017, the words I gave to myself were "Enjoy poetry and wine while young." Then after experiencing setbacks, reflection, and growth, which may not be rich but are significant to me, four years later, I choose to give myself the words that are the title of this article:
Do Good Deeds, Don't Ask About the Future